When I was young and my older cousin was in college, he once told me that everything that I did, I did because I wanted to. Initially this didn’t make much sense to me. Naturally I began to contest the idea, at the time I was pretty sure that I knew everything. “Sometimes I don’t want to go to basketball practice but I go anyways” I retorted. He smiled and said, “Your desire to be on the basketball team and play outweighs momentary laziness.”

I gave a minute to considering this, then came back with, “Well I’m definitely not a big fan of brussel sprouts but I eat them anyways.” Unfazed he countered, “Either your desire to be healthy or to not be scolded by your mother dwarfs the momentary dissatisfaction that brussel sprouts bring.” Stubbornly I attempted to come up with a few other scenarios I thought might best him, but each time he would respond with an answer proving his point.

Nobody does anything that they don’t want to do. If you aspire to become a person of influence, you need to learn to arouse in others the desire to do what you also want them to. How? I’m glad you asked.

This does not mean manipulate or deceive

This may have come off the wrong way so I should be clear from the beginning. When I say, “arouse in others the desire to do what you also want them to,” I am not suggesting that you lie or mislead them to achieve your chosen result. Doing this may yield short term results but is morally wrong and will be very destructive to your relationships down the road.

Perspective, Perspective, Perspective

We all have different backgrounds, viewpoints, motives, political affiliations, beliefs, and ways in which we conduct business. People are not just going to bend to you wishes and ideas. The key is to gain an understanding of the person you are dealing with.

Henry Ford says, “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” Once you can grasp how to do this your leverage in any situation will drastically elevate because your increasing your understanding of how to deal with situation.

What needs to be developed here is a consideration and concern for those outside of self. The irony is that the less you think about yourself, the more likely you are to get desired results.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” – Henry Ford

The Sweet Spot

Understanding these concepts is all well and good, but you probably are more concerned of how to put them into practice. Firstly, merely being actively conscious of others’ thoughts, feelings and wants will naturally begin to benefit you. Others will notice this and appreciate you more for it, but there is more to it than that.

What We Want.
What We Want.
What They Want.
What They Want.
What You Want.
What You Want.

While looking for the solution to any scenario with someone else, pause and ask yourself “What is it that this person wants out of this?” “What is it that I want out of this?” “Where do those two things interlap?”

You are looking for a scenario in which both parties win… a “win-win” scenario. When you can see multiple points of view instead of just your perspective, your will start to see options that weren’t apparent before. Then you will be able to strategize an approach in which desired outcomes align.

Let me give you an example of this in action:
You have just brought a new team member into your business. Throughout the years, you have established a proven method of recruiting that you know works. However, the new member has developed some bad habits from their time in another company and does not think that what you are trying to teach them will bring them any success, they plan to stick with their own strategy.

Solution: Instead of isolating or not investing any more time in someone you don’t think is going to listen to you, let them know that your main concern is helping them achieve success. Suggest that they try their method for one month and the next month try yours, then whatever method works better they will stick to. What you both want is for them to be successful and they will be much more likely to consider trying things your way with an approach such as this.

Mastering the art of getting others to want what you do will not stop at helping you in business dealings; it will benefit you in every relationship you are currently involved in. It all starts with perspective and the ability to see multiple angles or points of view. Make a conscious effort today to start doing this, overtime it will begin to come naturally.